At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
