what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
