no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
