I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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