Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
