there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
