who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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