My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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