Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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