We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
