Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
