I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we made out on top of his cat.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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