The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
