I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
