Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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