dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
