just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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