Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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