so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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