What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
