do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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