party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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