If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
