I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
