we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
