so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
