Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
