i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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