so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize