And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
