1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize