Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
