where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
