why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
