I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
