I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
