why didn't you poke me back
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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