I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Terrible idea I love it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
