Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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