Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
