I just cut my nipple shaving
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize