oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
