we have pet lesbian snakes
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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