I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
time to smoke my breakfast
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
