im about as happy as oj after his trial
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
