beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
50% drunk capacity currently
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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