My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
