and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
