people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
