Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
