I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
