Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
