chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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