i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
