I will die if light touches me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
