we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
