So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
