I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
