Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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