If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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