direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
