im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize