Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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