wakey wakey hands off snakey
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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