Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bring me that man meat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize