and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
