I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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