The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
