oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
