I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
