I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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