I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
