I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
