Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
